Fifteen reasons why the Arminian and Calvinist didn’t cross the Road.
September 27, 2012
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On a lighter note, here is why the Arminian and Calvinist did not cross the road….
15. We are not sure if the Arminian will cross or not. No one knows. Not even God.
14. The Calvinist believes that “road crossing” ceased with the death of the last Apostle or the completion of the New Testament.
13. He has felt the draw of the other side of the road and the Arminian has resisted thus far.
12. Calvinists were not elected to cross before the foundation of the road.
11. The Arminian heard someone yell at someone on the other side calling him a dork. He thought he said “Dordt.” It scared him.
10. The Calvinists said road was called Tiber Ave.
9. The Arminian shipwrecked on his way across therefore he never made it.
8. Piper said that God is most glorified when Calvinists are most satisfied on our side of the road.
7. God cast a vote for the Arminian to cross. Satan cast a vote for him not to cross. The Arminian holds the deciding vote.
6. The “Walk” sign was gender neutral. It made Calvinists mad.
5. The Arminian did cross the road. In fact, he has crossed it over a dozen times. He just keep backsliding.
4. A woman already crossed. Calvinists don’t follow women.
3. Neither Romans 9 or John 6 say anything about crossing roads say the Calvinists. Therefore, it is unbiblical.
2. The Arminian will cross the road. But it won’t happen until just before he dies. Insurance. What if he did it early and changed his mind? Smart thinking.
1. Because he was not absolutely certain that he could cross since in order to get to the other side, you would have to go half way, and in order to go half way, you would have to go half way to the half way, and in order to go half way to the half way, you would have to go half way, ad infinitum. [Uh, sorry that was the Emergent]
HT Parchment and Pen Blog.