A Twisted Crown of Thorns ®

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Fifteen reasons why the Arminian and Calvinist didn’t cross the Road.

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On a lighter note, here is why the Arminian and Calvinist did not cross the road….

15. We are not sure if the Arminian will cross or not. No one knows. Not even God.
14. The Calvinist believes that “road crossing” ceased with the death of the last Apostle or the completion of the New Testament.
13. He has felt the draw of the other side of the road and the Arminian has resisted thus far.
12. Calvinists were not elected to cross before the foundation of the road.
11. The Arminian heard someone yell at someone on the other side calling him a dork. He thought he said “Dordt.” It scared him.
10. The Calvinists said road was called Tiber Ave.
9. The Arminian shipwrecked on his way across therefore he never made it.

8. Piper said that God is most glorified when Calvinists are most satisfied on our side of the road.
7. God cast a vote for the Arminian to cross. Satan cast a vote for him not to cross. The Arminian holds the deciding vote.
6. The “Walk” sign was gender neutral. It made Calvinists mad.
5. The Arminian did cross the road. In fact, he has crossed it over a dozen times. He just keep backsliding.
4. A woman already crossed. Calvinists don’t follow women.
3. Neither Romans 9 or John 6 say anything about crossing roads say the Calvinists. Therefore, it is unbiblical.
2. The Arminian will cross the road. But it won’t happen until just before he dies. Insurance. What if he did it early and changed his mind? Smart thinking.
1. Because he was not absolutely certain that he could cross since in order to get to the other side, you would have to go half way, and in order to go half way, you would have to go half way to the half way, and in order to go half way to the half way, you would have to go half way, ad infinitum. [Uh, sorry that was the Emergent]

HT Parchment and Pen Blog.

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7 responses to “Fifteen reasons why the Arminian and Calvinist didn’t cross the Road.

  1. mike September 27, 2012 at 10:58

    That’s awesome! But 3 and 7 are the same! I feel a little cheated.

    • Acidri September 27, 2012 at 11:46

      Maybe it’s the Emergent who caused the confusion!

  2. Pieter Stok September 27, 2012 at 12:13

    Great post! What were the laws regarding road crossing? And were there any signs?

    • Acidri September 27, 2012 at 12:21

      signs…and wonders?

  3. Tony Bradley September 27, 2012 at 15:38

    This is great. No wonder I can’t cross that road named Tiber Ave. I always seem to go the other direction to the road named Protest Dr.

    • Acidri September 27, 2012 at 15:41

      Watch out for Broad Street!

  4. Kraeeg March 12, 2014 at 08:00

    I had no choice but to move from Broad Road to Narrow Way because the advert for the new lodgings was totally irresistible. I used Grace movers.

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