A Twisted Crown of Thorns ®

Reformed. Christianity. Evangelism. Modern Culture.

Theologians Answer: Why did the chicken cross the road?

On a lighter note, I hear the chicken crossed the road and there is now a grand theological debate to find out why ‘the chicken crossed the road’…

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Greg Boyd: It’s a possibility that the chicken crossed the road.

TD Jakes: A manifestation of the Chicken crossed the road for his blessings.

Rick Warren: The chicken was purpose driven.

Mark Driscoll: The chicken crossed because of the rooster’s leadership.

Joel Osteen: The chicken crossed the road to maximize his personal fulfillment so that he could be all that God created him to be.

Creflo Dollar: God told the chicken that if he clucked, “That land across the road is mine!,” he could claim it. He crossed the road to take possession.

Pelagius: Because the chicken was able to.

John Piper: God decreed the event to maximize his glory.

Billy Graham: The chicken was surrendering all.

Pluralist: The chicken took one of many equally valid roads.

Chris Rosebrough: It was a pirate chicken!

Steven Furtick: You can’t tell chicken to stand still. They are spontaneous!

Universalist: All chickens cross the road.

Annihilationist: The chicken was hit by a car and ceased to exist.

Fred Phelps: God hates chickens!

Martin Luther: The chicken was leaving Rome.

Tim LaHaye: The chicken didn’t want to be left behind.

Harold Camping: Don’t count your chickens until they’ve hatched.

James White: I reject chicken centered eisegesis.

John Wesley: The chicken’s heart was strangely warmed.

Thomas: I won’t believe the chicken crossed unless I see it with my own eyes.

Philip: The chicken teleported to the other side.

Rob Bell: The chicken. Crossed the road. To get. Cool glasses.

Roger Olson: The chicken recognizes no clear evangelical boundaries.

Peter: What chicken? What road? Never knew a chicken!! (rooster crows)

Ezekiel: God revived those chicken bones and then they crossed the road.

Paul: The chicken went to sleep and fell out the window only to be able to cross the road

Mark Driscoll: A “bleeping” chicken crossed the road to go get a beer.

Jim Wallis: The poor chicken was fleeing fundamentalists.

Gary Demar: The chicken was fleeing the destruction of Jerusalem in AD 70. That’s it.

Jim Wallis: The chicken is an organizer for Occupy Barnyard.

Emergent: For this chicken, its not the destination that’s important. Its the journey itself.

Christian Pacifist: This is clearly an act of barnyard aggression that is condemned in the Sermon on the Mount.

N.T. Wright: This act of the chicken, which would be unthinkable in British barnyards, reeks of that American individualism that is destructive to community.

Al Mohler: When a chicken begins to think theologically, he has no other alternative but to come over to the Calvinist side.

Bill Gaither: The chicken obviously saw something beautiful, something good, on the other side of the road.

Freud: This whole exercise is obviously driven by chicken envy

I just feel hungry after this…any one got chicken? ;)
HT via FB.

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5 responses to “Theologians Answer: Why did the chicken cross the road?

  1. Giovanni October 20, 2012 at 08:52

    Hahahaha! This is hilarious!

    • Acidri October 20, 2012 at 09:00

      Hey don’t laugh while crossing the road!

  2. Pieter Stok October 21, 2012 at 10:01

    John Calvin: the chicken was predestined from before time began …
    John Knox: the monstrous regiment of chickens had no right to cross the road.

  3. Linden Wolfe October 22, 2012 at 18:40

    Love these!! Thanks.

  4. Pingback: 2012: The Best and Worst of the year! « A Twisted Crown of Thorns ®

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