A Twisted Crown of Thorns ®

Reformed. Christianity. Evangelism. Modern Culture.

Meet The Christians: A day in the life of a Christian Satirist.

The next guest is a satirist. He is also a Christian. But one other interesting thing is that the concept behind these anonymous interviews was originally from him (chuckle) ;). These interviews are anonymous so that there is no celebrity. They are evangelistic and have been simplified so that they are easy to follow and to the point. Today my guest too will be masked as we ask him different questions about what he believes. In case you missed the previous anonymized interviews please go here.

ATCT [A Twisted Crown of Thorns ®] : Sorry you are masked from your audience today. What is a typical week in your life like?
CHRISTIAN: On Sunday, we go to church. Period. We have children and they know from example that it is important to give God glory because He is God and we are not. The rest of the week, I juggle work, Bible study, current event study, blog maintenance, creative writing (including humor & satire) for my blog and for others, research & writing for a missions database, Taking the kids back and forth to school, and generally trying to have quality time with family.

ATCT: Did you have any Christian influence in your youth or childhood?

CHRISTIAN: No, God saved me as a young adult. We did the lip service thing when I was a kid and it had no effect. Many church youth groups bussed us to pizza blasts and hot dog dinners but i was dry bones at that time. Praise God that he saved me and most of my family later however!

ATCT: What is the gospel in one sentence?
CHRISTIAN: Man is completely separated from God due to sin (our own and from having been born in sin as a result of the fall of Adam & Eve). God, by his grace, sent His Son, Jesus, to live, die, resurrect, and ascend to the right hand of the Father. All who fall upon Christ as the sole hope for the forgiveness of sin and provision of eternal life are saved. Sorry, this was several sentences… (CUT! THAT’S MORE THAN ONE SENTENCE J)


ATCT: If you woke up this morning and found your self transported back in time, which preacher in the last 500 years would you like to listen to? Why?

CHRISTIAN: CH Spurgeon, without a doubt. He had a way of hitting the nail on the head. He truly was the prince of preachers. He gave the Bible to the people without apology and without fear despite strong opposition.


        4. ATCT: How would you like to be remembered by your wife and closest family?

CHRISTIAN: As a true, consistent Christian. Not perfect, mind you, but consistently repentant. Also, I hope to be remembered as putting my family’s needs ahead of my own.


ATCT: How easy (do you think) is parenting?

CHRISTIAN: Impossible. You never really know if you are doing a good job parenting until many years later. Then, if you did not do a good job, it is too late. I fear parenting greatly. Handle with much prayer.


ATCT: Your teenage daughter comes weeping to you and tells you she is pregnant. She doesn’t know who the dad is. (Yup, it’s that bad). She feels she has let you down and feels disillusioned about her walk with God. She got a phone number from a friend who can arrange to “sort out” this inconvenient unplanned pregnancy. It’s all a big shock to you. What do you do?

        A) Pretend you didn’t hear her and continue reading your news paper.

        [B)] Tell her to dial the number REAL QUICK!

        C) Let her know in no uncertain terms she has brought shame to you and your testimony. And she has therefore left you with no option but to disown her.

        D) OTHER:

CHRISTIAN: D) I would love and support her through raising the child for God’s glory.


ATCT: What major theological shifts have happened in your life as a Christian?

CHRISTIAN: The spinning of true doctrinal preaching into a fuzzy, ooey-gooey, man-centered mess where man is king and God is Santa Claus. I remember when Robert Schuler stated that he did not believe it when the Bible said that Jesus was the exclusive way to Heaven. This was the early 1980s. People were shocked because it seemed as though most preachers could be trusted then. Nowadays, you cannot trust very many preachers. Most have sold out to the man-centered false gospel of self absorption.

Another would be the replacement of hymns with performance-styled music that congregations cannot sing along with. What is called “worship” these days confuses me. I agree that it is worship but the object being worshipped is not God in some cases.


ATCT: We are sending you to a desert island. You can only take one book aside from the Bible. Which book would you take and why?

CHRISTIAN: I do not know. Maybe something by Jonathan Edwards, Spurgeon, or MacArthur. This is a difficult question to answer.


ATCT: What attribute of God do you struggle to understand?

CHRISTIAN: My answer to this would differ on different days but I think God’s holiness. It shows how powerful the life of Christ in us is that we will stand before a holy God one day and we will not be vaporized. Remember when even the high priest of Israel wore a rope around his waist in case he accidentally did something wrong and died while in the Holy of Holies? And now, we stand before God in a sense due to Christ sitting at His right hand making intercession for us. I just cannot grasp more than a small piece of what holiness is. It boggles my mind.


ATCT: What are the words of your favourite Hymn?

CHRISTIAN: There are so many. I will choose this one for today. I knew the first verse by heart but I had to look up the rest. There is a fountain filled with blood (by William Cowper): 

“There is a fountain filled with blood drawn from Emmanuel’s veins; And sinners plunged beneath that flood lose all their guilty stains. Lose all their guilty stains, lose all their guilty stains;
And sinners plunged beneath that flood lose all their guilty stains.

The dying thief rejoiced to see that fountain in his day;
And there have I, though vile as he, washed all my sins away.
Washed all my sins away, washed all my sins away;
And there have I, though vile as he, washed all my sins away.

Dear dying Lamb, Thy precious blood shall never lose its power
Till all the ransomed church of God be saved, to sin no more.
Be saved, to sin no more, be saved, to sin no more;
Till all the ransomed church of God be saved, to sin no more.

E’er since, by faith, I saw the stream Thy flowing wounds supply,
Redeeming love has been my theme, and shall be till I die.
And shall be till I die, and shall be till I die;
Redeeming love has been my theme, and shall be till I die.

Then in a nobler, sweeter song, I’ll sing Thy power to save,
When this poor lisping, stammering tongue lies silent in the grave.Lies silent in the grave, lies silent in the grave;
When this poor lisping, stammering tongue lies silent in the grave.

Lord, I believe Thou hast prepared, unworthy though I be,
For me a blood bought free reward, a golden harp for me!
’Tis strung and tuned for endless years, and formed by power divine, To sound in God the Father’s ears no other name but Thine.”

Glory be to God!


One response to “Meet The Christians: A day in the life of a Christian Satirist.

  1. Pingback: Meet the Christians: A day in the life of an Ex- prosperity gospel adherent. « A Twisted Crown of Thorns ®

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