A Twisted Crown of Thorns ®

You might just be Lutheran if…

…during the entire service you hold your hymnal open but never look down at it.

…when someone mentions red and green (in terms of Christmas), you immediately think of a battle over hymnals.

…during communion you hum the hymns so you can see who’s at church that Sunday.

…rather than introducing yourself to a visitor at church, you check their name out in the guestbook.

…you have your wedding reception in the fellowship hall and feel guilty about not staying to help clean up.

…a midlife crisis means switching from the old hymnbook to the new one.

…you forget to put water in the baptismal font but never forget to put water in the coffee pot.

…the pastor skips the last hymn to make sure church lasts exactly 60 minutes.

…you don’t make eye contact when passing someone in the hall because you think it’s impolite.

…your choir believes volume is a fair substitute for tonality.

…in response to someone jumping up and shouting “Praise the Lord!”, you politely remind him or her that we don’t do that around here.

…you think a meeting isn’t legitimate unless it’s at least three hours long.

…your dad’s name is Luther N., your brother is Luther Hahn and you are Lew Theran.

…the church is on fire, and you rush in to save the coffee pot.

…you give a party and don’t tell anyone where it is.

…someone asks you after church if there’s any “decaf coffee” and you laugh because you KNOW that if it doesn’t have caffeine, it can’t be coffee!

…you freeze the leftover coffee from fellowship hour for next week.

…it takes 10 minutes to say good-bye.

…doughnuts are in the official church budget.

…they have to rope off the last pews in church so the front isn’t empty.

…you’re watching “Star Wars” in the theatre and when they say, “May the force be with you,” the theatre replies, “and also with you.”

…you tap a church visitor on the shoulder and say, “excuse me, but you’re in my seat.”

… you pronounce the word Lutheran “Lutern.”

HT Old Lutheran