A Twisted Crown of Thorns ®

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Tag Archives: humor

What pets and house hold animals think of Christmas…

When we commercialise Christmas…

…Read More!

The problem with reality Tv shows.

Well…

HT to Facebook friends for the photo.

Sister Martha Discovers Bible Chapter on Christian Liberty

I still remember the day sister Martha came for Sunday service in style. She had just started reading her bible that month and there was a twinkle in her eyes.

She said she had also been meditating on Paul’s advice to Timothy:

No longer drink only water, but use a little wine for the sake of your stomach and your frequent ailments. 1 Tim 5:23

I must add Martha was a literalist. She also has several ailments. …Read More!

The day Pastor Stevie became radical…

Stevie stopped praying for revival. Instead he decided he will make them happen. It all started on the day he was ordained. Oh what a happy day that was:

He became ….radical! …Read More!

What a road trip: Round America in only Five minutes!

Ever been to America? No need to go there any more. Here is how you can visit 32 states from the comfort of your living room. Yup, you will even experience the evolution of rain clouds along the side of highways, the differences in the climate will also prove entertaining, going from sunny Los Angeles and it’s palm tree-lined streets to the snow capped Rocky Mountains in Colorado Springs. (I understand if you look closely you will even spot some of your Facebook American friends in this clip) 🙂

This interesting road trip by Mr Brian DeFrees was done by attaching a digital camera to his Honda Civic Si wind shield that had a program installed to instantly take photos every five seconds. He was then able to drive and shoot at the same time:

[He] took to the road for inspiration and came back from his trip with a time lapse video speeding across 12,225 miles in just under five minutes.

Brian DeFrees, 25, took a two month road trip across the United States to visit places he had never been and catch up with relatives along the way. …Read More!

If only my kids cried like that for their bibles…

On a lighter note: How I wish my kids (and the kids in my neighbourhood) really cried like this for theology and for the things of God! Grrrr!

…Read More!

Socialism: It is as simple as this…

HT Stan McCullars via Facebook.

One good reason why hearing the Shepherd’s voice is hard.

HT Jim McMaster via Facebook

And that is what I call a literal translation of baptism.

Yup, here you have got a good illustration of (a credo-peedo) immersion from above.

[HT Susan Hamm via Facebook]

Wrong ways of getting purpose driven ideas for Sunday’s sermon.

 

Hmmm?

And the church bowed to pressure from Facebook that year…

What do you know?

Are there any Egalitarians when a mouse gets loose in a room?

A very interesting article looking at mice. Okay, its not really about mice but I wont tell you till you read through.

Imagine this scene: you are enjoying an evening dinner party at your home. All of a sudden a mouse scurries across the floor parting the room like the Red Sea. The men jump up on their chairs and begin screaming for someone to get the intruder. One of the ladies puts down her appetizer plate and calmly grabs the broom and corals the little varmint. The disaster has been averted.

Is there anything wrong with this scene? …Duh, Read More!

Asking an Emergent to back you up is like…

 

Chart Showing How Different Christian Denominations See Each Other.

On a lighter note: I came across this witty chart and I still haven’t stopped rolling on the floor laughing. (ROFL for you tweeters who use 140 characters or less). See what you make of it:[HT Zwinglius Redivivus]

Listening to a pastor being Interviewed (Satire)

With the tongue firmly planted in cheek…

The Interview (Satire)A group of church elders (all in their 20s) interviewed a candidate for senior pastor. They asked about the experience of the man who replied that he had 30 years of expositional Bible teaching experience and that many had been saved & discipled under his watchcare. Yawning, the chair of the elders replied, “Look Dude, that’s sort of impressive and all but here at Elevation Station (formerly Calvary Baptist before converting to Emergent) it’s all about the beer, the bling, and the Bon Jovi. …Read More!

God Has a Sense of Humor

These are different numbers and letter forms that were photographed on wings of butterflies.

For since the creation of the world God’s invisible qualities–his eternal power and divine nature–have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse. ~Rom 1:20

Or may be such beautiful patterns just evolved after billions and billions …Read More!

Help! I Think My Wife’s A Calvinist!

On a lighter note: Don’t adjust your screen – its just an oldie but a goodie!

For some reason my wife likes humming to this song. 😉

How (Not) to Win a Theological Debate When You Run Out of Bible Verses!

Why Only The Bald Will Enter Heaven…

Well, this will tickle the fancy of my bald friends. Apparently they will be the first ones through the pearly gates. Why, havent you read….

“When a man has lost his hair and is bald, he is clean.”  ~Lev 13:40 (NIV)

See? There is still something to cheer about. 😉

The Church With The Light Bulb Problem…

On a lighter note:

How many charismatics does it take to change a light bulb? One, since his/her hands are in the air anyway.

How many Calvinists does it take to change a lightbulb? None. God has predestined when the lights will be on.

How many Brethren does it take to change a light bulb? CHANGE?!!!

How many Pentecostals does it take to change a light bulb? …Read More!

Adam And Eve: Domestic Problems

On a lighter note:

Adam was walking outside of the Garden of Eden with Cane and Abel when the boys were young. Cane and Abel looked into the garden and viewed waterfalls, lovely birds, lush forests and fruit trees bending over because of the large amounts of fruit on them.

Then they took a long look at where they lived at. It was dry, dusty with weeds and sickly-looking trees.

“Daddy? Why don’t we live in there instead of out here?” they asked innocently.

Adam said, “Well sons. Eve and I use to live in there at one time. But your mother ate us out of house and home.”

Trust men to always tell half of the story. 😉

The Pastor, The Vicar And The Atheist

On a lighter note:

One day a Pastor, a Vicar and an Atheist go on a fishing trip together. They are in the boat and the Pastor says,” Oh! No! I left the paddles on shore!” So he proceeds to get out of the boat and walk on the water to the shore to get them. Once he had gotten back into the boat the Vicar says,” Oh! No! I left the bait on shore too!” And like the Pastor the Vicer exits the boat and walks on the water to get the bait. When the Vicar climbs back into the boat the atheist yells,” Well if you guys can do it so can I!!!” and proceeds to climb out of the boat, but he falls into the water. At this piont the Pastor says,” Do you think we should have told him where the rocks are?”

The Uh, Uncompleted Work of Christ…

Thanks to one of my Face book friends (Mark Todhunter) for the quote of the week….

If the Arminians are right, instead of “It is finished” Jesus should have said “So far so good…now it is up to them” – Dan Phillips

Get your Bibles Out -It’s The (TSSV) Today’s Seeker-Sensitive Version!

In the never ending quest to produce the perfectly “relevant” Bible, I think we just made one big leap for man-kind [and one small step for God]. In a web exclusive I bring to you an excerpt of Paul’s letter to Timothy ….

2 Timothy 4:1-5 (TSSV) Today's Seeker-Sensitive Version  2 Timothy 4:1-5 (TSSV) Today’s Seeker-Sensitive Version

1. I solemnly charge you in the presence of God and Christ Jesus, who is the only one who can judge us, and by His appearing and His kingdom:

2. preach the gospel; be ready to be relevant to the needs of the un-churched; be excellent in all that you do, uplift each other with life changing events, worship the Lord above all, and do not cause division within the church because of doctrine. …There’s More!

Well You Might Just Be A Calvinist If…

On a lighter note I hope this keeps you chuckling in bed tonight:

You Might Just Be A Calvinist If….

If your child’s first word was “Westminster”… you just might be a Calvinist.

If your 4 year old can explain what the word “propitiation” means… you might just be a Calvinist.

If you send your mother tulips on Mother’s Day… you might be a Calvinist.

If your passion for evangelism blows away your Arminian friends… you might just be a (true) Calvinist.

If you cringe every time you hear someone proclaim “God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life! Choose Jesus!”… you might be a Calvinist.

If you’ve ever wanted to attend a Benny Hinn crusade just so you could stand up and shout “Ichabod!!”… you might just be a Calvinist.

If you purposefully read a book to be convicted… you might just be a Calvinist.

If you have to order theological books online because no one at the Christian bookstore has ever heard of them… you might just be a Calvinist. There’s More

On Trapping An Atheist And Leaving Him To Wash the Dishes

The Bible says that only a fool says in his heart “there is no God”. Recently a belligerent and arrogant comedian boasted before the world spewing forth the self defeatist words, “Thank God for making me an atheist”. Well it just seems some people do know God exists but just do not want to acknowledge it. Is it because they will then have a moral obligation to him? For what can be known about God  (His intelligent design through creation and His providence) is plain to them, because God has shown it to them. Yet although they know God, they do not honor him as God or give thanks to him.  But they choose to become futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts are darkened.

True. Claiming to be wise, they become fools. Nothing so sums up this predicament that this quote:

How to trap an atheist: Serve him a fine meal, then ask him if he believes there is a cook. ~Dennis Helton Read More

Israel: Look No Pat Downs or Scanners.

A month that has left all my friends in America loathing the TSA. What with all the pat downs and rigorous body searches at the airports? And those hideous scanner machines that only Hugh Hefner would adore. Then theres been the disease scare that one contaminated or disease carrying terrorist could start a fungal or anthrax pandemic as one pair of gloves is used to search a gazillion other passengers. The black helicopter and conspiracy theories are endless.

The only people who havent noticed the long queues are probably prosperity pastors with private jets and journalists. Or so I thought until Michael J. Totten an independent foreign correspondent  made an interesting deduction about the excellence of the Israeli airpot security: Read More

Carlifornia to legalise Marijuana and Ban Circumcision?

Gone are the days when Arnold  Schwarzenegger the stopped the bad guys at the city gates, trashed their guns with one finger and swept them with one perk of his eye brow. Now as the 38th Governor of California its hilarious what the State is coming up with every other day.

(CNN) — In the California city that banned Happy Meal toys,outlawed sitting on sidewalks during daylight hours and fined residents for not sorting garbage into recycling, compost and trash, Lloyd Schofield wants to add a new law to the books in San Francisco: A ban on all male circumcisions. Yeah, right! Read More

‘Forget the pizza parties,’ Teens tell churches

The butterfly effect is a term used in Chaos Theory to describe how tiny variations can affect giant systems, and complex systems, like weather patterns. For example, it is said that a butterfly flapping its wings in a jungle in Brazil can cause a tornado in Texas.

A couple of years ago we leavened up the unleavened bread of Christianity. A little nip here and a tuck there. We created a brand of Hip and Cool Christianity not only smooth but market savvy. Relevant. We used reproducible and successful entrepreneurial church growth models to bring as many people into the church complexes as possible.

However, if the recent trend of events is anything to go by, it seems God has gone on a hiatus and left the youths playing peekaboo in the night. Recent statistics show that  there is an increasing exodus of young people from churches, especially after they leave home and live on their own. In a 2007 study, Lifeway Research determined that 70% of young Protestant adults between 18-22 stop attending church regularly. Some critics have attributed this yo-yo effect to the perils of hipster Christianity. Read More