Reformed. Christianity. Evangelism. Modern Culture.
This is an old humorous clip. It features a Baptist Church singing about Christmas (Er, plus 12 Doctrines that their pastor taught them). The kids seem to learn an earful in one seating…Please, sing along! 🙂
If you are church shopping [this article was first published in OCTOBER 2011] or looking for a local Christian fellowship a Reformed Baptist Church may not be your cup of tea 🙂
Well you see, Dr. James White has (honestly) noted that in a Reformed Baptist Church…
You don’t get to leave after every sermon feeling good about yourself. You may even desire repentance.
- You don’t get to hear the sermons in the same way you may be used to. It’s frequently verse by verse, maybe not even relevant to your current situation.
- You don’t get to be entertained. We don’t want to entertain you. Read more of this post
Church growth strategies have been named many things by many pastors. Others call it “vision casting” others call it being “purpose driven” and others merely call it what it is….pragmatism. I came across these ten interesting myths that made me chuckle:
1. If You’re Not Growing, Something’s Wrong
If growth and a bigger crowd is “always” the result of obedience then some of the OT prophets will have some serious explaining to do.
Of course, if you’re not growing—or you’re declining—I think it is cause to evaluate what you’re doing, but it’s not a given that something is always “wrong.”
God could be doing something different—more Jeremiah and less Peter…
2. The More You Grow, the Healthier You Are
We would love to believe this one. It certainly feels good to have a bigger crowd. There’s a built-in justification for ministry leaders when more people show up, I know. However, just because your church has more people attending doesn’t mean your church is completely healthy. In fact, it might be cause to closely evaluate the message the crowd is hearing…3. Contemporary Music Will Save Your Church
It can help at times—depending on the community and the people you’re trying to reach—but it’s not always a help. In fact, sometimes it’s an obstacle.
Changing your music and the feel of your worship gathering should have a reason bigger than, “We want to reach young people!” or, “We want to stay hip.” Hopefully, the music you sing is an authentic expression of your distinct makeup as both a church and a community and not a grasp at straws for church growth. …Read More!
Isn’t it rather odd in it self that we have different meanings for “Grace” these days? Just saying… 🙂
[HT to Facebook Friends]
On a lighter note:
Loosely translated:
Dude? If it wasn’t you then who said “Good Morning”?
HT Jim West.
A slight hiccup of biblical proportions?
At times it appears as though this is what is happening all around. Well sometimes it is…
At Leicester Square:
Preaching in Leicester Square tonight with Josh and the team. It totally kicked off, the crowd got really hostile, but praise God, after reasoning with the authorities and standing our ground, we have been allowed to preach. Please pray the gospel would continue to go forth in grace and truth.-R. Hughes
via FB.
On a lighter note I hear humming loudly soothes the fury of a woman scorned…No?
I am yet to see a picture of the most powerful man tucking in a leafy lettuce or carrot. Maybe Snowden could help me unpack this one someday. However, that being said, a curious little ankle biter beat me to asking America’s suave and smooth talking one what his favourite dish is. With the proverbial hand over his heart he blurted it all out…or was someone economical with the truth? You see…
He made the disclosure at a White House event for children who had won a healthy recipe contest, as part of first lady Michelle Obama’s anti-obesity campaign.
Having fun with the children, Mr Obama agreed to take two questions. The first child asked what was Obama’s favorite food. Broccoli was the presidential reply, according to a White House aide.
This from a politician who has literally eaten his way across the country: Burgers in a Washington suburb with Russian Prime Minister Dmitry Medvedev; ribs in Asheville, North Carolina; hot dogs at a basketball game in Dayton, Ohio; and a tasty pastry called a kringle in Wisconsin.
On that lighter note I think I must retire to my vegetable patch and grow some ….broccoli! I hear some American friends are coming to visit this neck of the woods; we will stock up on something Americans really really like! 😉
On a lighter note. I think watching or playing Wimbledon Centre Court Tennis should come with a health warning. Somebody just lost his head…. 😉
Hollywood marketers offered free screenings of “Man of Steel” to church leaders as well as sermon notes in an effort to highlight the film’s Christian themes.
Christian marketing firm Grace Hill Media sent out nine pages of sermon notes written by Pepperdine University professor and theologian Craig Detweiler to Christian pastors across the country, CNN reported Friday.
Grrr!!! Aren’t we simply an entertainment driven bunch of milk sops? Where are the great preachers of old like Charles Spurgeon and George Whitefield who spent more time in reading and studying Scripture as they prepared for the Lord’s day?
Do we have to pander to Hollywood? Yup, only if you are a seeker sensitive pastor who wants to appear relevant. Actually, one wise deacon [see link above] put it in better words than I ever could:
P.J. Wenzel, a deacon and Sunday school teacher at Dublin Baptist Church in Ohio, said using “material pumped out from Hollywood’s sewers” to entertain congregants will result in people’s souls being neglected.
“Any pastor who thinks using `Man of Steel Ministry Resources’ is a good Sunday morning strategy must have no concept of how high the stakes are, or very little confidence in the power of God’s word and God’s spirit,” he said.
We all know how IT guys think they are gods (insert smiley face here) but well here is one who is taking things literally and actually getting away with it:
A man claiming to be Jesus is gaining followers and causing concern among cult experts in Australia.
Former IT specialist Alan John Miller, or AJ as he prefers to be known, runs a religious movement known as the Divine Truth from his home near the small town of Kingaroy in the state of Queensland.
Mr Miller claims that not only is he Christ, but his partner, Australian Mary Luck, is in fact Mary Magdalene, who according to the Bible was present at the crucifixion.
He told Sky News: “I have very clear memories of the crucifixion, but it wasn’t as harrowing for me as it was for others like Mary who was present.
“When you are one with God you are not in a state of fear, and you have quite good control over your body’s sensations and the level of pain that you absorb from your body.”
Mr Miller holds seminars near his home and also travels around the world teaching people how to have a personal relationship with God, often by delving deep into their emotions.
Dozens of his followers are understood to have bought properties in the area to be closer to him.
After his crucifixion the Australian claims he entered the spirit world where he met Plato, Socrates, popes and presidents.
Now, I didn’t see that coming. Jesus tucked away in the sunny out backs of Australia!
G’day, mates! Meet me in Kingaroy! Without further ado I am off to the land down under!
I always knew Oz was God’s own country – how dare you judge me when I now have confirmation from some one from IT? 😉
Ever turned on a radio station and found a nice song (read Contemporary Christian music) playing and then suddenly frozen while singing the distantly familiar words when you almost reached the end of some stanza? (Well, honestly I sometimes stop at the titles of some of the contemporary songs seeing how sentimental and romanticised most of them have become.) That aside… I couldn’t help laughing when I read of Tony-Allen’s “thorn in the side” moment. I thought such moments only happen to me:
[Tony-Allen:] So a while ago, I was at a worship service, and encountered the song “How He Loves.” As I was singing, I came to an abrupt halt when I encountered a specific lyric in the second verse:
We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
So Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss…I stopped singing because my jaw literally dropped to the floor at seeing those last words pop on the big screen. “Sloppy wet kiss”? Did someone seriously put “sloppy wet kiss” in the lyrics of a worship song?
Smyrna 155 A.D-The night is cold and damp. There’s great anticipation that something is going to happen. It is the Asia minor city of Smyrna. There’s feasting around the corner. The proconsul Statius Quadratus is present, and the asiarch Philip of Tralles is presiding over the games. Eleven Christians have been brought, mostly from Philadelphia, to be put to death. This was the pattern of life in the first century –Anno Dommini.
I must be growing old..and becoming a legend. I have seen several Popes come and go (and of recent wait for this) I have witnessed a Pope resign from service! It sure is an absolute rarity -and this has happened in my life time! Wasn’t it just the other day that the white smoke was puffed out of the Vatican chimneys to announce the installation of a new “man of God” with the zeal and enthusiasm of a spring chicken and the agility of a rabbit to absolve helpless sinners of their iniquities, venerate saints and springboard helpless souls from purgatory? Wasn’t it just a wink ago that Pope Benedict XVI made his first tour of the world to declare his commitment? And just before any one can say ‘Smith Wigglesworth’ guess what he has declared:
… Pope Benedict XVI made the shock decision to quit the papacy because of his deteriorating health. [gasp!]
In a decision that has surprised even his closest aides, the 85-year-old Pontiff said his strength was ‘no longer adequate to continue in office due to his advanced age’.
He announced his resignation in Latin to a meeting of Vatican cardinals this morning, saying he did not have the ‘strength of mind and body’ to continue leading more than a billion Roman Catholics worldwide.
The decision is unprecedented. He is the first Pope to resign since Gregory XII in 1415 and no Pontiff in history has stepped down on health grounds. …Read More!
A hundred to two hundred years ago (just like two thousand years ago) there were bold preachers who preached with Bibles laid wide open and read aloud the text for the people to hear the word of God. Most of these stood on street corners and market places and they reasoned and persuaded men to consider their ways in light of the holiness of God. In more recent times most ‘men of God’ prefer to be popular and few now preach on sin or even call people to repentance. It’s actually more lucrative to hold motivational lectures on personal self esteem and significance. These are topics that have fifty one shades of grey and are liked by the main stream audience.
Recently one popular conference speaker and pastor, Louie Giglio, was hand picked to offer his pastoral blessings and benediction at the soon coming presidential inauguration. An apparent invitation too big to turn down for the popular man of God. However what happened next can only be described as a comedy of errors. Sexual liberation groups picked on an old sermon preached over fifteen years ago on “repentance and sin” leading to Louie being dis invited (or did he dis invite himself?). Some pastors like John Piper were quick to tweet and call him “a hero” but was he really?
Pastor Louie later [as noted by Ken Silva Apprising Ministries and Chris Rosebrough of Fighting for the Faith radio in link and audio below] seemed to reluctantly admit that he no longer is keen on stressing some of the things he was passionate about: …Read More!
I will learn to play a musical instrument this year. I know my family have heard me say this every year. Truth is I always “mean it”. Sadly, and strange enough no one seems to have a clue what happened to the bass guitar I got or the electric piano or even the harmonica. Grrrr! Am really that bad?
Well, now I think I am pretty much really really really serious! Yes, and I am going to really reaaaaally prove every one (who thinks I am the world’s best procrastinator) wrong. Just wait till I have one more cup of tea and maybe tomorrow morning we will begin to tackle this one consuming passion.
Speaking of which I have dusted down my old Acoustic guitar, re-strung it, shone its fret board and ripped off a few chord lessons from music gurus ( thanks You-tube)! I know a few skeptics are stifling giggles in the next room (my five year old daughter sighs and walks out of the room at this point as she has seen me go through this routine many times) – but I think by the end of this year I can be as good as the kid in the photo. 🙂
Do you have any links or advice for a beginner with an Acoustic guitar? Please help me out A.S.A.P ( I have less than 365 days before I am made to take the sad chief procrastinator’s title for another year running).
The list is long but I could only fit in 10 ways to botch an altar call (I know this makes me sound like a disgruntled Arminian) :
- Present an unbalanced message. Only let them see the heart-warming part of God’s character. Preach God’s love but leave out His holiness and justice. That way they’ll think He’ll let them into heaven no matter what.
- Don’t mention repentance until they’re repeating a “sinner’s prayer.” Just get them to say, “I repent of all my sins” while they’re echoing you. They won’t know what they’re saying and they won’t count the cost.
- Above all else, be dignified. Don’t get heart to heart with the people. They would get something out of what you said.
- Skim over the gospel and push the prayer. Pretend the lost naturally understand what Christ has done for them.
- Preach Jesus as a life enhancer not a life rescuer. Tell them how Jesus can improve their life but don’t show them Jesus as the only One who can save them from Hell. People will think if they reject Him they’re only losing out on a spiritual high. Read More!
It’s a few minutes past 11.00Am and it’s the 21st December 2012. Nothing has happened here! Nothing happened in Australia (who are rather doing well down under and enjoying 22nd December) by the way. But a little chuckle about this Mayan calender craze and a hat tip to soccer fans for this rib cracker.
If the world were to end on the 21st December 2012, the only place you would want to be is next to Sir Alex Ferguson. He ALWAYS gets extra time! ~ Anonymous soccer fan
By the look of things we seem to be in ‘Fergie time’ now. 🙂
When pastors keep a finger on the pulse of pop culture so as to set the pace for the church then do not be surprised when there becomes no difference between the sacred and the profane. If you look to “America’s pastor” to decide your purpose then he sure is doing a good purpose driven job…
Rick Warren is a megachurch pastor, international speaker, and best-selling author of the bestselling hardback non-fiction book in history, The Purpose Driven Life. Outside of coordinating global peace efforts and Bible study curriculum for his 20,000+ member non-denominational Christian congregation in Southern California, he’s tracking popular trends and publicly declaring his affinity for South Korean artist Psy’s K-pop song “Gangnam Style.” According to Twitter, “Gangnam Style” has been his ringtone since July 20.
[Apparently] “Gangnam Style,” a song by South Korean artist Psy, recently became the most-viewed YouTube video EVER, with over 826 million views as of this month (overtaking my man, J Biebs’, “Baby” video). The “Gangnam Style” dance is now a global phenomenon, with thousands buying, playing, and dancing to it on a weekly basis.
The world seems to be having a lot more influence on the American church these days. Reminds me of when one man in anguish lamented, “If God withdrew the Holy Spirit tomorrow, my church would function just the same; we wouldn’t even know He was gone.”
Oh my anguish!
Funny list of Bible riddles (or rather misapplied hermeneutics)
Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible?
A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation.
Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible?
A. Pharaoh’s daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out A little prophet.
Q. What kind of man was Boaz before he got married?
A. Ruth-less.
Q. Who was the first drug addict in the Bible?
A. Nebuchadnezzar. He was on grass for seven years.
On a lighter note, I hear the chicken crossed the road and there is now a grand theological debate to find out why ‘the chicken crossed the road’…
Greg Boyd: It’s a possibility that the chicken crossed the road.
TD Jakes: A manifestation of the Chicken crossed the road for his blessings.
Rick Warren: The chicken was purpose driven.
Mark Driscoll: The chicken crossed because of the rooster’s leadership.
Joel Osteen: The chicken crossed the road to maximize his personal fulfillment so that he could be all that God created him to be.
Creflo Dollar: God told the chicken that if he clucked, “That land across the road is mine!,” he could claim it. He crossed the road to take possession.
Pelagius: Because the chicken was able to.
John Piper: God decreed the event to maximize his glory.
Billy Graham: The chicken was surrendering all.
Pluralist: The chicken took one of many equally valid roads.
Chris Rosebrough: It was a pirate chicken!
Steven Furtick: You can’t tell chicken to stand still. They are spontaneous!
Universalist: All chickens cross the road.
Annihilationist: The chicken was hit by a car and ceased to exist.
Fred Phelps: God hates chickens!
If you’re going to be good at fishing, you’ve got to learn to think like a fish. If you’re going to be an effective fisher of men, you’ve got to think like a lost person. Here’s the problem. Unfortunately, the longer you are a Christian, the less you think like an unbeliever…To catch fish, you’ve got to know their habits, their preferences, and their feeding patterns. Certain fish like smooth water. Others are bottom crawlers. Some like rushing water. Others hide under rocks. You’ve got to know what the fish you’re trying to reach like to do. If you’re going to understand and reach non-Christians, you’ve got to begin with their mindset.-Rick Warren
Still scratching my head till I can get my hair cut straight enough to become hip and “relevant”. I think I will reach there next year! Trying!!
I have never thought that kicking a ball that is burning with vivid scorching flames would make one more spiritual. How does a soccer match make you “more spiritual”? Thanks for asking, you see…
For these players have been preparing for these football matches for 21 days – praying and fasting and learning to ‘tame fire’.
When they are ready, the tough 60 minutes of football begins – played in bare feet with a burning coconut which has been soaked in kerosene for two days. The burning matches take place over 60 minutes – and the players may go through four coconuts before the game is over.
Each coconut soaks for two days, ensuring it is drenched with flames and ready to burn.
Then the players place the ball in the centre-spot, and prepare to play – lighting a match to the match-day ball.
Some Arminians were kind enough to help the world out by giving them a dictionary of Calvinist terms (see here). In the spirit of brotherly love, the Calvinist’s did the same:
All (1): All always means all. Yup, Jesus died for every single human, including those already dead and in hell, and even including himself.
All (2): (as to sin) If its related to sin, “all” doesn’t include babies.
Amazing Grace: Horrible song composed by a Calvinist. Teaches wretched “doctrines of grace.”
Argument (1): The mean things Calvinists do, means: a group of propositions wherein the truth of one is asserted on the basis of the evidence furnished by the others.
Argument (2): An unfortunate term for how Arminians lovingly discuss the glorious truth of Scripture, means: if it feels good, it probably is.
Arminius, Jacob: The first church father.
Assurance: Keep trying, hopefully you’ll make it, but since you have libertarian free will, you could just flip sides one day. Never can tell. …Read More!
You might just be Lutheran if…
…during the entire service you hold your hymnal open but never look down at it.
…when someone mentions red and green (in terms of Christmas), you immediately think of a battle over hymnals.
…during communion you hum the hymns so you can see who’s at church that Sunday.
…rather than introducing yourself to a visitor at church, you check their name out in the guestbook.
…you have your wedding reception in the fellowship hall and feel guilty about not staying to help clean up.
…a midlife crisis means switching from the old hymnbook to the new one. …Read More!
On a lighter note, next time you listen to announcements or read the Church bulletin you might double up in laughter. Looking back at some bloopers, here are some Lutheran reminders…
·For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
·Due to the Rector’s illness, Wednesday’s healing services will be discontinued until further notice.
·Evening massage – 6 p.m.
·The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
·Potluck supper: prayer and medication to follow.
·Don’t let worry kill you off – let the church help. …Read More!
One big danger facing evangelism in our day is that we focus on too many gimmicks (entertainment e.t.c) that by the time we come to the gospel message we have forgotten our mission. You do not have to go very far to see churches “trying to be relevant”: 
HT friends on FB.
On a lighter note there are more historical artefacts being dug up this week. Or is it hysterical artefacts? 🙂
Yup, the new Emergent Bible is out and it’s leaner…
Wait till you see the revised edition. I hear it even has no Contents! 😉
The message that one gets from the questionable theological liaisons is that doctrine doesn’t matter. You can have a Reformed soteriology, but hold onto an Arminian ecclesiology, believe in a non-trinitarian quasi- modalist definition of the God head and even have an Emergent missiology. Who cares about doctrine? Be…..pragmatic!
You don’t have to stay true to your orthodox convictions. Just blend in and appear cool…with a swagger. …Read More!
The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? ~Jeremiah 17:9
On a lighter note on the i-church…
Do no use your children as a sermon illustration or else…. 😉
HT: Friends on FB.
On a lighter note I think you will like the disclaimer that comes with these scary costumes 😉
There’s never a dull day when Rick Warren gets to tweet ‘pearls of wisdom’. He is the Evangelical pope isn’t he? He is of course America’s pastor and what he says will trend in the high ways and byways of evangelicalism. Ever since we exchanged our bibles for that good, well written and inspired church growth purpose driven manual of his we have never looked back.
Why do many people think that Jesus was the fulfilment of the old testament prophecy and expectations? They think He is the one that the Bible is all about! And I am very happy that Rick put these people back in their place with a very well timed ‘tweet’. And that settles it. Yippee!
If only I could walk with a wise man like Rick on the road to Emmaus and he would exegete Scripture. I would ask him to begin in the Old to the New Testament and explain to me what verses like these ones by (umm Jesus) mean:
And beginning at Moses and all the prophets, He expounded to them in all the Scriptures the things concerning Himself. (Luke 24:27)
You search Scriptures, for in them you think you have eternal life; and these are they which testify of me (John 5:39)
Oops! Those verses will make him put his foot in his mouth! …Read More!
On a lighter note…don’t read this while sipping coffee infront of your computer:
Sign #1: You’ve given up smoking your pipe because you want to actually be able to afford term life insurance.
Sign #2: Your ‘Jonathan Edwards is My Homeboy’ shirt is faded and now simply reads, ‘Jonathan Edwards is My Home.”
Sign #3: You now read your ESV Bible more than you read John Piper.
Sign #4: You’ve considered writing a book (for P&R rather than Crossway), Old, Well-Rested, and Reformed. [Copyright: Adam Parker, 2010] (You want the name, Collin Hansen!? Come back in 30 years and just try to get it!)
Sign #5: You find yourself warning newbies about ‘the cage stage,’ and then you find yourself reminiscing about terrorizing unsuspecting Arminians back in your day.
Sign #6: You actually know who Van Til is.
Sign #7: You have decided that is is okay to plod.
Sign #8: Your iPod now has more sermons by Sinclair Ferguson than it does of Mark Driscoll. …Read More!
On a lighter note:
Hank: Did you boys hear all of that racket & commotion this morning at church? It was like a bomb went off on the stage, I tell you what…
Dale: Hank, that is what we contemporary worshippers call praise &
worship music.Bill: I kind of liked it when the guitar player set his guitar on fire while he played the solo to In-A-Godda-Da-Vida.
Boomhauer: I tell you what, man, that ol’ boy, he played that, boom! …that wuz good stuff.
Re blogged from The Truthinator’s blog.
A local pastor Jodwell K. Olsteen has renounced prosperity gospel in a sudden turn of events. Known for his sell out stadium events that always drew the elite of society and celebrities, this is surely out of character for the always smiling and positive talking pastor.
In a press release circulated around Hollywood the remorseful man of God said he had come to realise the depth of his own depravity and sin. He had realised he had given many people false hope in preaching “prosperity for all” in the name of Jesus. Jodwell said that the prosperity gospel preachers create a ponzi scheme. He likened it to clouds with out water and a road to no where. But his biggest remorse came from the fact that his messages had corrupted the gospel and inoculated people to the message of the cross. Hence forth, Mr Olsteen’s ministry has been dissolved the money has been used to buy bibles for Christians in North Korea and the rest donated anonymously to churches in Timbuktu and Kwazulu Natal (Africa). If he has defrauded any one he has requested that the person be re-paid four times the original value. Mr J. K Olsteen listed a number of former cronies and millionaire pastors and called them out to preach more about “sin, righteousness and judgement”.
Visitors to the pastor’s website were greeted by this Puritan poem prayer:
Lord Jesus, give me a deeper repentance, a horror of sin, a dread of its approach. Help me chastely to flee it and jealously to resolve that my heart shall be Thine alone.
Give me a deeper trust, that I may lose myself to find myself in Thee, the ground of my rest, the spring of my being. Give me a deeper knowledge of Thyself as saviour, master, lord, and king. Give me deeper power in private prayer, more sweetness in Thy Word, more steadfast grip on its truth. Give me deeper holiness in speech, thought, action, and let me not seek moral virtue apart from Thee.
Plough deep in me, great Lord, heavenly husbandman, that my being may be a tilled field, the roots of grace spreading far and wide, until Thou alone art seen in me, Thy beauty golden like summer harvest, Thy fruitfulness as autumn plenty.
I have no master but Thee, no law but Thy will, no delight but Thyself, no wealth but that Thou givest, no good but that Thou blessest, no peace but that Thou bestowest. I am nothing but that Thou makest me. I have nothing but that I receive from Thee. I can be nothing but that grace adorns me. Quarry me deep, dear Lord, and then fill me to overflowing with living water. –The Deeps, A Puritan Prayer
Majors news outlets still cannot deny or confirm the validity of all these accounts. Some say this could just be a satirical prank. But could it be true? 🙂
DISCLAIMER: ALL CHARACTERS, NAMES, LIKENESSES AND EVENTS IN THIS STORY—ARE ENTIRELY FICTIONAL AND ANY RESEMBLANCE TO PERSONS LIVING OR DEAD MAY BE PURELY COINCIDENTAL.
If we use our own feelings to define our moral boundaries then the options are endless. The depth of insanity is bottomless. Anything goes as long as it feels right. Who then will say no when some one wakes up with an idea like this one?
A carer from London says she has ditched men for good – after falling in love with a statue. The object of her affection is a three-foot moulding of the Greek God Adonis that she bought for £395.
Reighner Deleighnie, 40, has been in a relationship with the statue for six months and spends hours every day with her Carrara marble boyfriend, which heats up with touch.
Reighner named her companion Hans because the Pointer Sisters’ hit song Slow Hand was playing in the cab the day she brought him home.
She enjoys reading and talking to her companion, and keeps him close by when she watches television and eats dinner.
She also kisses and caresses him, imagining the pair of them walking through meadows of wildflowers or at the seaside. …Read More!
After perfecting his visually stunning gimmick, Pastor Antics only had to desperately look for a bible verse to tag along to the message…
Interesting things are happening in some Charismatic circles. Churches are getting sued and yes even the “holy ghost” too. Let me explain, you see:
A parishioner at the Disciple Fellowship Christian Church in East St. Louis, Ill., claims the spirit moved another worshiper so much during service that she caused others to tumble over backwards into her, causing injuries. Now she’s suing the church for damages.
Cheryl Jones alleges in a complaint filed in December that she was visiting the church when member of the congregation received the “spirit” during praise and worship and with no ushers or members to assist, the parishioner fell backwards knocking several members into the plaintiff, who was injured falling to the floor. …Read More!
If I woke you up and told you that controversial Bishop of New Birth church, Eddie Long was crowned king I bet you would ask if I have had a fever. Well, not only was he crowned king but he also got dressed in some despicable out fit and was paraded in front of adulating worshipers. The “humble man” of God was only too pleased to oblige as Ralph Messer (who claims to be a Rabbi bringing Torah truth to Christians) with a couple of supposed Jews masqueraded with garb and old bits of scrolls declared how worthy and anointed Bishop and “king” Long is to read sacred scriptures inscribed there in. I kid you not. Though I have a head ache now.
Mix Word of Faith into your theology with a good dose of belief in an open canon and sure enough you are bound to get a “fresh revelation”. Paul was right:
Now the Spirit expressly says that in later times some will depart from the faith by devoting themselves to deceitful spirits and teachings of demons. 1 Timothy 4:1
I still can’t resist laughing at the ring of his new found title “king bishop” Eddie Long. …Read More!
Today’s church screams, “Jesus is not enough”. We have church services where the preacher gives motivational pep talks, have exhilarating laser light shows to excite unbelievers into a form of church experience. We have relegated good and sound Bible exposition out of the pulpit. Oh, (and not to forget) you gotta love the recent Code orange Revival launched by one pastor Steven Furtick of Elevation church. To begin the “revival” he led the congregation in a hymn a rendition of secular super star and celebrity Rihanna’s hit song. No kidding! This is of course a far cry from the preachers and Christians of yester year who really loved the Lord, sang about Him. They reverently honored Him even in their worship. He was the centre piece to which their whole livelihood focused. Who is the focus of our adoration today?
“At last I saw Christ as my Saviour. I believed in Him and gave myself to Him. The burden rolled from off me, and a great love for Christ filled my soul. That was more than fifty years ago. I loved Jesus Christ then, but I loved Him more the year after, and more the year after that, and more every year since” – George Muller (1805 – 1898) …Read More!
I have been thinking lately and have finally come up with the most purpose driven idea of how to fill up the church. Get an entertaining and exciting choir member that will keep people coming and sure enough. Here is …..Stuart! Tada!
Now we can have less Bible study time and longer time to get your praise on! Have you ever been asked that all illusive question, “Did you enjoy the praise and worship today at our church?” …Read More!
I am currently reading a very interesting book, Scripture Twisting: 20 Ways the Cults Misread the Bible by James W. Sire. Its actually not a guide to help you become a guru or Swami. Far from it. You see, “Jesus” is co-opted by almost every one who wants some one from the past to confirm their own vision of the ideal future. To Eastern –oriented religious groups, Jesus is an avatar – one of the may incarnations of the gods; to Christian Scientists, he is the great healer; to political revolutionaries he is the great liberator; to Spiritualists, he is a first rate medium; to one new consciousness philosopher, he is a prototype of a sorcerer who can restructure events in the world by mental exercise. It seems there is a “Jesus” for everyone.
One way in which almost any cult can have a claim to the Jesus of the bible is by misquoting scripture. For example:
Jess Stern in a book on Edgar Cayce quotes the following conversation he had with Eula Allen, one of Cayce’s followers. The topic was re-incarnation and Stearn suddenly thought of a problem:
A thought struck me. “Why, if people have lived other lives, don’t they remember anything from them?”
“But they do,” she said. “It’s just some times that they don’t remember that they are remembering. Jesus said, ‘I will bring all things to thine remembrance,’ but he didn’t say how.”
A number of errors are made here. First, this is not what Jesus said. Let us put the clause quoted into its immediate context. …Read More!
A recent ministry update reported on a yet new move of the “Holy Ghost”. Indeed this was a newer move by all ranks as it was reported. The revival meeting started with the man of God exhorting believers as to how God in these last days wants to fill them with the new wine of the Holy Ghost. Before long it was Happy Hour and it was claimed the congregation was doused in “Godka,” “God-wiser” and puffing the glory cloud, “Jehovah-wanna.” He mentioned how the drug culture is simply a counterfeit and unholy substitute for real supernatural experience with the Lord.
How far Evangelicalism has fallen to begin to revel in fancy mystic manifestations and unbridled excesses of self gratification! …Read More!
About two years ago I started a blog. I wrote mostly about issues that revolved around modern day Christianity. It scratched the itch in evangelicalism. It tackled theology and had a satirical twang to it at times. Okay most of the times. It took about a year to come up with a name for the blog.
Do you know how difficult it is to get a name for a blog? Hmm. I thought of cool names like “Elevation blog” or “Your best life now blog” or “Elephant in the blog” but I just thought I wouldn’t be able to live up to the hype. Or would I?
I will never be able to explain why I decided to call the blog Twisted Crown of Thorns and later A Twisted Crown of Thorns (as of 2012). I probably liked the irony in the name. In retrospect it almost sounds like a spoof rock and roll group band. It sounds dark … but light hearted. I have known of a few misguided wanderers who have adventurously stumbled onto the blog thinking it’s a Roman Catholic sacred relics collection website. Grrrr! …Read More!
The first lesson in successful marketing and entrepreneurship always underscores the fact that the customer is king. I have always told my self if I were to start a church it would be the world’s best church. It would be the epitome of tolerance and relevance. Who says the church cant be geared towards increased attendances, happier people with numerous self sustaining projects and great reputation among the un-churched and still bring people closer to God? Then Read More
Enough of all this banter against modern Christendom’s latest prodigal and most loved opulent brat. Ed Young Jr. is officially the most google-d and U-tubed Christian celebrity pastor. Gone are the boring days of being an obscure youth pastor left to follow up new converts and pray for toddlers who don’t finish their breakfast cereal in the church back garden. Gone are the days of watching re-runs of Veggie Tales and Tom and Jerry in Sunday school.
The other day he took a bold step in being the honest and transparent man of God that he has become and indulged viewers in a personal tour of his parsonage or is it vicarage. And look how many bloggers treated him as though he had invited Bin Laden to the White House. He had simply allowed a TV Crew to have a glimpse of his humble 10,000 square foot, $1.5 million estate. Read More
If the latest Church growth updates are anything to go by then Africa is surely having surplus of growth. The growth has been described by many colourful words like “explosive”, “spectacular” and of recent “fast food-ish”. There seems to be an easy believism called prosperity gospel that is spawning a multiplex of believers. In this form of Christianity, a believer is supposed to be successful; if not, something is very wrong. This emphasis can be seen in the names of the flourishing churches: Winners Chapel, Victory Bible Church, Jesus Breakthrough Assembly, Triumphant Christian Centre. The titles and themes of conventions, crusades and conferences repeat this emphasis: “Gathering of Champions” “Living a Life of Abundance,” “Taking Your Territories,” “Stepping into Greatness.” For all these churches, size and expansion are tangible signs of success—which is why the terms Global, World or International appear in so many of their titles.
South Africa recently hosted the World cup. From this land that gave football fans the much loved and equally hated “vuvuzela” has emerged Rhema Church. Rhema has established itself as one of Africa’s Best Churches. A place where the big shots, celebrities and politicians come to embrace at the table of a “rock and roll” religion. Even the President, Jacob Zuma comes regularly to Rhema to tuck into two of South Africa’s said pastimes, conspicuous consumption and Christianity. But There’s More
LANCASTER, Pa. — Maria Holsapple thought she was attending performances at the local community theater, but after twelve weeks, she was angered to learn she had been attending Oak Grove Center, a 3,000-member church.
“I would never willingly go into an evangelical church,” says Holsapple, a practicing Catholic.
She came after Oak Grove mailed her “tickets” to upcoming “drama presentations.” She enjoyed the “mini-concert, the play and the motivational speech they threw in at the end,” she says.
“It worked well as performance art,” she says. “I was convinced it was a groundbreaking new theater company.” Read More
I have always thought if one rule of thumb is if you mix ministry ( or Jesus) with anything else (like course entertainment) you are in for a BIG shock sooner or later. Preach Christ and Him crucified you will see people being drawn to Him by the Holy Spirit. Add a little smoke and mirrors to leaven up your “ministry” and … you become mosaic. To keep them coming you will need wilder smoke and more exciting mirrors. Ugh!
You see, there is a church called Mosaic Church. No kidding. Club Fathom is listed on Mosaic’s website as a teen-centered outreach ministry of the church. That’s not all. There has been activity going on in this club. No not a revival as such but…
A Christmas morning shooting that injured nine people is further evidence that the downtown club where the brawl began is a public nuisance that should be dealt with quickly, city officials said Monday.
Club Fathom has a long history of teen violence dating back to at least 2006 and has faced city ire in the past. …Read More!
In our never ending bid to remain relevant we really had to get the right youth pastor. The qualities we were looking for were actually very simple. Young, restless and creative. Yup, we got our anointed man (though he has to work on his pony tail). 😉
Next we need an assistant youth pastor. …Read More!
On the twelfth day of Christmas,For your weekly dose of satire…
By Team Tominthebox News Network. Full Link here.
New York, New York – Pastors across the country suddenly found themselves in a bit of a predicament this past weekend as Sunday morning quickly approached. The trouble began Saturday afternoon when word began spreading that the Sermon Writers Guild was going on strike on the grounds that they were not being paid enough for their work.
The Sermon Writers Guild has, for the most part, been a secret to the church-going public. Founded in 1977, the organization started out as a small group of theologians and laypersons who were “gifted and creative in the art of preaching” but lacked the charisma necessary to pastor and lead a congregation. When the group was formed they began offering sermon writing services for “witty pastors who lacked scholarly abilities” and who were “less than studious” for a fee of only $20 per sermon. Over the years the guild expanded to over 1500 “ghost preachers” who have written sermons for some of the most famous pastors in the country. Read More
A large cross that had been prominently displayed outside a chapel on an isolated military base in northern Afghanistan was taken down last week, prompting outrage from some American service members stationed there.
“We are here away from our families, and the chapel is the one place that feels like home,” a service member at Camp Marmal told POLITICO. “With the cross on the outside, it is a constant reminder for all of us that Jesus is here for us.”“Not having it there is really upsetting,” added another. “I walk by the chapel daily on the way to chow and the gym, and seeing the cross is a daily reminder of my faith and what Jesus accomplished for me. It is daily inspiration and motivation for me to acknowledge my faith and stay on the right path.” …Read More!
A Georgia factory worker claims in a federal lawsuit that he was fired after he refused to wear a `666′ sticker he feared would doom him to eternal damnation.
Billy E. Hyatt claims he was fired from Pliant Corp., a plastics factory in northern Georgia near Dalton, after he refused to wear a sticker proclaiming that his factory had been accident-free for 666 days. That number is considered the “mark of the beast” in the Bible’s Book of Revelation describing the apocalypse.Hyatt, who said he’s a devout Christian, had worked for the north Georgia plastics company since June 2007 and like other employees wore stickers each day that proclaimed how long the factory had gone without an accident. …Read More!
I still remember the day sister Martha came for Sunday service in style. She had just started reading her bible that month and there was a twinkle in her eyes.
She said she had also been meditating on Paul’s advice to Timothy:
No longer drink only water, but use a little wine for the sake of your stomach and your frequent ailments. 1 Tim 5:23
I must add Martha was a literalist. She also has several ailments. …Read More!
Stevie stopped praying for revival. Instead he decided he will make them happen. It all started on the day he was ordained. Oh what a happy day that was:
He became ….radical! …Read More!
It’s never a dull Sunday when Osteen is in the pulpit. Infact every day feels like a Friday. If you come early and stretch your neck long enough you could catch a glimpse of (guess who?)… Yup. Oprah. If you have your bible autograph book handy you could actually get it autographed by Oprah or even Tyler Perry! Oh can you see me in the video? (Hyperventilating) I am the one next to that guy high up in the rafters. (Grr some one stood infront of me when the camera panned over Oprah’s shoulder) Hey never mind atleast Joel introduced Oprah to Jesus. Okay, almost. 🙂
Every week somebody runs to the news papers with a chunk of bacon, half eaten pizza and wet patch on a nappy claiming to see the face of Jesus. Yes, they say it is the very face of the Lord Jesus Christ. It almost seems to be a sure way of getting attention these days. If I were to line up and sell all the things in my house (let alone the kitchen) that appeared like a hungry man with stringy iron filings for a beard I would be a rich man in two days!
Lupita la Bourdette said one such image appeared to her on the screen door leading into her home. Well…
“This is something that people have to see to believe,” la Bourdette, a Catholic, told KRGV reporters. “When I saw it, I wanted to cry. It impressed me so much.”
The resident of Pharr, Texas, said the image of Jesus and his mother Mary, whom she says appears to be holding a baby, showed up on the metal screen six years ago, shortly after she had a dream in which a little girl told her to pray for the world because “a lot of bad things are going to happen.” …Read More!
Finally a bible version that I actually like (not in the Facebook kind of way). No, I like it with my tongue in cheek. (Add a wink here)
Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever things are generally acceptable, whatever is tactful, whatever things show sensitivity, whatever things make you feel good, whatever things are sensuous, whatever things are personally satisfying; if there is to be any ownership, and if there is any good self-esteem, think happy thoughts on these things.
Do the things that you have felt, and realized and experienced and justified within yourself: and the god of touchy-feely happycrap shall warm your tolerant, sensitive, enlightened soul with wonderful ignorant bliss. …Read More!
Some people believe there should be a state of ceremonial purity when touching a holy book. A man or woman must take a ritual shower or bath to attain a heightened level of righteousness before he even glimpses into the written mind of God as it were. Christians on the other hand come in two categories. Those who love their bibles and those who really love their bibles. Today I will dwell on the eccentric latter.
“A bible that’s falling apart usually belongs to someone who isn’t.” -Charles Spurgeon
They are called Bible markers! Are you one of them? …Read More!
HT Jim McMaster via Facebook
Fads and superstition in sports have always drawn the usual cursory glance. Not any more it seems. There seems to be a growing viral trend intermarrying the two and tugging God at the end of it all. It all started with mundane actions like athletes making or kissing imaginary crosses before the 100 metre dash to heaven-ward finger pointing gestures and gesticulations after scoring goals in football. The other day spectators were taken aback when one soccer player decided to rend the heavens loose by lay hands and praying for his misfiring colleague who hadn’t scored for the team in several months following a big money transfer from a rival team. Well the striker got rewarded with two goals in the game. So, do these fads and trends have some theological magic formula of sorts? Do they pull God closer to one team against the other? Well to add fuel to fire, another one has started (and it’s EPIC!!)…
It was only a matter of time before the sports world had its planking equivalent: Tebowing. Tebowing, according to the new Tumblr blog Tebowing.com, is “to get down on a knee and start praying, even if everyone else around you is doing something completely different.” Its namesake is Denver Broncos quarterback Tim Tebow, who inadvertently invented Tebowing. In the last week alone, people have been photographed Tebowing in the U.S. Capitol, Korea and an operating room; near a beer-pong table, the Chrysler Building and a toilet; and mimicking the “Abbey Road” cover. Toddlers have Tebowed. Adrian Beltre accidentally Tebowed. The act of Tebowing has even been carved into a pumpkin. …Read More!
Yup, here you have got a good illustration of (a credo-peedo) immersion from above.
[HT Susan Hamm via Facebook]
Here is a humorous video (with awesome royal marching music in the background) illustrating a number classic errors that are frequently used by opponents of Calvinism.
HT Turretin Fan
Who would believe it? Just exegete this slo-mo walk as he practices to walk on stage to the pulpit on sunday. 😉
HT J. Taylor via Facebook
An instructional video at last:
PS: No animals were harmed in the making of this product. (One’s gotta add a disclaimer on every video so as to appear relevant and green) 🙂
What do you know?
I came across this sobering picture recently…
It reminded me of that other church where the pastor calls him self the “holy ghost bar tender” I wonder whether he has one of these sign posts at the church exit gate?
[HT Facebook friends]
Finally I agree…and I see their view point. Don’t you?
[HT Chad Hunt via Facebook]
A Twisted Crown of Thorns ® 